FADED BEGINNINGS

I was born in the late 1970s and grew up in the 80's and graduated High School smack dab in the middle of the 1990's "Grunge Era" the music was hard, the drugs harder and the aftermath lasted for decades.

I had my first taste of alcohol quite young as did many others my age did. Again as I said this was the 1980's and things were alot different then.

It was nothing unusual for the adults to be drinking, playing cards, ya know just bullshitting and for the kids to be left to our own devices. This often led to "Lord of the Flies-Esq" situations and groups and alliances were formed and we always had to out do the other group or groups of kids.

Lots of alcohol was stolen, from the drunk adults, by dared little kids to be brought back to whoever dealt the dare. The prize for not getting caught was getting to be part of the "Big kid" activities for the rest of that evening or weekend.

This meant drinking, puffing on stolen cigs as well as other things no child or even adolescent should have been part of at our respective ages. (I can recall situations of this nature from 4 to about 13). It was during these times I had many a swig of adult beverages and I loved it! I had so much fun but damn looking back it was so irresponsible and wrong on so many levels. My drinking was not just on these few isolated weekend/summer vacay outings either.

I was a "Latch key kid" a term coined in the 1980s for those of us whose parents worked and we were home alone after school and weekends. We basically did what the hell we wanted as long as shit was smoothed over and cleaned up by the time your parents got home.

On several of these home alone adventures I'd sip on whatever liquor I could find, my parents were not big drinkers so I was limited but not left out. This is where I learn at about 9 to just hurry and swallow it if it tasted bad, the quicker it went down the lighter I'd feel.

I was for the most part a good kid I just participated in some not so good activities here n there.

In 1993 I was 14 and my family and I moved from Flint Michigan to a very small southern Tennessee town. I hated it and I rebelled to the maximum!! I quit my beloved sport of basketball and focused 24/7 on boys and getting fucked up whenever the opportunity arouse itself. I lost all ambition I had for my future, and just wanted to party.

I was 14 and started dating a boy who was almost 18, older boys meant easier access to alcohol and pot. I didn't care too much for pot at the time but I sure liked these little white and blue speckled pills that were freely passed around. Someone's mom always had several bottles on hand so they were easy to swipe.

Later I find out the name of these magical speckled feel good pills..... Hydrocodone 7.5!

Yes, my first taste of love was when I was 14 and his name was Loratab.

Weekends were spent wrapped up in the warmth and safety of Loratabs embrace, I could do anything with it by my side.

I was invincible, I felt and gave so much love to others in this almost sappy, lovey dovey way, it numbed my feelings of hurt and anger over moving from my friends and family, I was cheerfully happy to be me again.

But I wasn't me and I had no idea how far down Lotatab, his buddy Oxy and sister Roxy were gonna take me or at what lengths I'd go to just to keep their company by my side or what keeping that type of company would eventually bring my way.

To be continued....