WELL AIN'T THAT METH'D UP.

PERSONAL OPINIONS

The following is a series of my personal opinions about drug addiction, drug addicts, stigma & judgement and plenty more. Some may say that these opinions are quite "meth'd up" and heavily disagree with me. If that's the case with you then scroll on, this is the internet and not everyone has the same outlook as you do.

We can agree to disagree and move on!

JUST SAY NO.

inpatient rehab

I have known SEVERAL people who have been to inpatient rehab, whether that be court ordered or just because they felt the need to go and get clean. Out of those several people who spent time in rehab do you know how many stayed clean?

MAYBE one.

Just one person I know has stayed clean for longer than a few months upon release, most used within weeks of release.

I just don't think you can take a person out of their home, regular day to day environment for a mere 30 days and teach them this "wonderful magic formula" called the 12 steps and tell them to just say no then throw them right back into the same environment they came from and expect to see results.

Yes, I know there are people out there who have done well after inpatient treatment I'm just saying I've only seen it once and I'm not so sure that the one person isn't using again.

I do not believe in inpatient rehab centers.

Not sure if I ever will....

They are money making schemes and ways for addicts to meet new hookups.

Now, you may call me a hypocrite because I utilize a Suboxone clinic which is kind of a rehab center, I guess.

But before you condemn me to a life of hypocrisy let me explain why I feel this way.

Suboxone/Methadone clinics are a better option in my opinion.

Yeah a substance is used to help with recovery.

Even though many people will say that's not being in recovery or being clean, I disagree!

I am in RECOVERY!

I'm not getting high off my Suboxone, I'm living a regular life as a productive part of society, not shooting up or staying on a 24/7 hunt for pills and not going through the agony of withdrawal anymore. I take 2 pills a day vs 10 pills 3x a day and shooting meth 2 to 3x a day....

So I'd say I'm a hell of alot cleaner than what I was 4 years ago and I am in recovery.

I receive the counseling I need and my clinic is a very understanding place.

So basically I get to recover while living my life, learning how to manage my sobriety in my same day to day environment, which is important to me. I had to learn how to maintain my recovery while still living my life and facing day to day temptations head on and overcoming the issues that led to my addiction.

Those of you who will disagree with me can I ask you a few questions?

You ever been to jail?

If so, did you enjoy being locked away?

Bunking with others?

Eating what and when your told?

Not being able to talk to your family whenever you wanted and having set times to use the phone.

How about having no say in when you can watch t.v. or being told how your time will be spent, enjoy that?

What about being an adult and having a "lights out bedtime", I'm sure you loved that as much as I did, didn't you?

How about being told when you can see your family or friends?

Need a cig? Ha! Forget that.

Get used to nasty ass e-cigs and you had better hope someone on the streets cares enough to pay the 10 to 15 bucks per 60 hit cig.

Yeah jail sucks, right?

Let me ask you this - how quickly after being released did you use?

We all know jail rarely works for addiction recovery, it may briefly but long term Idk.....

Do you actually think inpatient rehab is much different than jail? Cuz it's really not.

Well, They teach you the 12 steps, you say?

So does jail and you can learn them online.

At home.

They teach you to say no?

Ok then do that now Just say no!

As I've said before all inpatient rehab centers do is take you out if your environment for 30 to 90 days (same as jail) teach the bull shit 12 steps and teach you to say no,and then throw you right back to where you came from.....

You tell me how well that is gonna work out....

I'm very interested in any success stories if y'all have them, please feel free to let me know how you were helped by these programs.

Change my mind about impatient centers, im open to listen to your side.

Addiction sucks y'all, the shame, the regret, the stigma and judgement we face, fighting through withdrawal at least once a week, jail, etc.

It fucking sucks!!

I wouldn't even want my worst enemy to go through a quarter of the pure hell I experienced during my 20 plus years of active usage.

If your reading this and your an addict would you agree that there could be better and more effective ways of treating addiction?

If so, shoot me some of your ideas, together maybe we can make a change and save our friends and families lives while saving our own.

prohibition, punishment, recovery & BULLSHIT!!

WAR ON DRUGS.

If even a small fraction of the money we now spend on trying to enforce drug prohibition were devoted to treatment and drug rehabilitation, in an atmosphere of compassion, not punishment, the reduction in drug usage and in the harm done to users could be dramatic.
Milton Friedman

Drugs don't cause today's alarming crime rates, but drug prohibition does.
Judge James C. Pain

WE RECOVER TOO.

#METHISRECOVERABLE

Meth addicts are perhaps the most stigmatized, and the least understood substance abusers when it comes to addiction.

Those addicted to meth are often portrayed as dangerous, crazy, reckless, violent, erratic, and beyond help; giving the impression that recovery from methamphetamine is not likely.

Misconceptions like mentioned above often lead meth addicts to believe that rehabilitation for their meth addiction is impossible and that leaves addicts feeling they are beyond help.

Which is totally false.

Meth addicts just like opiate addicts can be recovered.

To be honest, the fear of legal trouble, losing your children, home and or job, not to mention the judgement from our peers are all common factors that keep meth addicts caught up in the cycle of addiction.

Being both an opiate and meth addict I've been subject to all sorts of unfair judgements myself and I had a hard time admitting my meth addiction. I felt far more shame being a meth user than I ever did being an opiate addict. There is such a nasty stigma attached to meth users and it couldn't be further from the truth.

If you are still stuck in the cycle of meth addiction just know we recover too!! Suboxone has worked very well for both opiate and meth addiction, for me and many others.

Don't give up and don't let anyone tell you we can't get better, because we sure as hell do!!

TOUGH LOVE SHOWS NO LOVE.

tough love f#cking sucks

"If an addict is happy with you, you’re probably enabling them."

"If an addict is mad at you, you’re probably trying to save their life."

I despise these damn "tough love" quotes!!

Compassion and understanding are what addicts need!

No, not some one to "baby" them per say or to give them money but someone to actually listen to them, care about what they have to say.

Just because we are addicts does not mean we deserve to be cut off and shut down by the people we love.

If An addict is reaching out and opening up to someone and are only being shown "Tough love" chances are that just might cause their ending and be the final nail in their coffin!!

Too many times I've just needed someone who cared to talk to, who didn't want to roll their eyes and write me off as "Oh she's just looking for pity, money, a place to stay, etc," mainly by my so called family, and I wasn't treated very well the majority of the time so I finally came to the conclusion that if I'm not able to set down With the people that I love and who are supposed to love me back and talk about my problems or the things that drove me to my addiction then I'm just gonna use more drugs and time and time and again verses face the humiliation of being shown so called "Tough love" by those that I've attempted to reach out to.

I know how hard it is to love an addict.

Try being an addict that has nobody to turn to when your at your lowest point, not even your family.

Yeah, that's one of the hardest things I dealt with during my active use and it still hurts me just as much today as I write this as it did then.

People need to understand that addicts usually don't love or have any faith in themselves therefore family support and encouragement is so important during those critical times so please don't shove or write the addict reaching out to you off so fast.

That "I need to talk" or "I need you" text at 1:00am may be their last time trying to reach out....

Then what?

Are you gonna cry at their funeral and say you wish they would a reached out?

Well, they did.

But You gave them "Tough Love".

Most people, not just addicts have a hard time loving and forgiving themselves for past actions but for addicts it's so much harder because of the shame we feel due to being a drug user!

Do you really believe that condemning or shutting off communication to your child or sibling is helping them?

If you believe that then your a sad, sorry individual who needs to seek some counseling of your own.

I know it's hard to love an addict, I loved one long before I ever knew what being one was all about, but try looking in the mirror and feeling hatred for the reflection staring back at you and having nobody to turn to.

Imagine that!

Regardless of what most people think MOST addicts are harder on themselves than anyone else could ever be and not having anyone to turn to because they are being shown "Tough Love" is pure Hell.

Addiction isn't fun.

It's lonely, scary and deadly.

Especially when you have no one or nowhere to turn.

I understand that limits need to be set when dealing with an active drug user but turning your back and calling it Tough Love is just a way for families or close friends to justify their own shitty behavior and it's easier that way.

Out of sight, out of mind makes life easier for those who do not or choose not to understand....

LOVE?

youtube comment on tough love

“The problem isn’t that family and friends don’t care about you. It’s that they don’t know how to show that they really care, to an intensely high degree. What good is all that “love” if they can’t put it into action?

That’s like saying, you love and care for starving children in Africa. But you don’t send them money, send them food, or adopt them.

What good is your “love” if it’s not put into action?

It’s important to care. Yes.

“It’s the thought that counts.” But it’s the results that really make a difference.

You might as well not even care about them, if you won’t make a change.

This is why people feel alone, depressed, and suicidal. No one is reaching out to them. Trying to make an impact on their lives, by listening to them, respecting them, expressing emotionally how they feel towards them, just being there for them.

This is why they kill themselves, and believe in their hearts that no one loves them. Because it feels the same as if they actually didn’t love them.

I know this... because I feel the same way.“

Used with author's permission 2019

BLAME...

The blame game

My addiction?

100% my fault!

My addiction to opiate pain pills began by mistake but I AM RESPONSIBLE for continuing to consume pill after pill and add other substances not my friends or the dealers I bought from, it was MY OWN FAULT.

I feel there is a stigma attached to buying and using drugs and it pisses me off!

All drug addicts and drug dealers are not bad people!

Yet most people would be quick to agree that we are. I know there are addicts that will lie cheat and steal to get their fix, but not every addict does that.

I feel part of the problem is media, T.V. and movies. Media tends to paint anyone currently associated or anyone who has ever been associated with substance abuse as villians and tend to portray a very unrealistic view of Drug Culture as a whole whether it's addiction, recreational use or a person dealing drugs.

I have seen very few T.V. shows or movies portray any of it accurately. Music on the other hand is a different story. There are multiple artists who accurately convey addiction, drug dealing and everything in between.

Mackelmore - Drug Dealer The closest portrayal I have seen of drug withdrawal and addiction, its extremely accurate and mirrors my own experience.

Yeah, I'm sure there are some bad dealers out there, but there are bad people in every occupation known to man.

And just because you sell pills makes you no better than the local meth dealer. Same occupation, just different product!! I can not stand a hypocrite!

Drug dealers exist because people have a need to buy drugs.

Dealers are not out there risking prison for the Hell of it.

Would McDonald's have business if people didn't want to eat there?

Its called supply and demand!

So stop blaming every dealer or addict out there for your family or friends drug problem. Trust me, its a need, its a nessacity. Most addicts can not survive day to day without drugs.

As much as you may believe that if there were no drug dealers there would be less addiction, that's simply not true. Addicts are hella resourceful and would find other, prob more dangerous ways to obtain their daily fix.

I am so sorry that your family member or friend died of a drug overdose, I truly am.

I don't know how I survived on many occasions myself, BUT I PUT MYSELF in those situations. Nobody made me shoot, snort, swallow, smoke or even plug those drugs. I did it because I wanted them, I wanted or needed to get high.

Anyways rant over, just tired of hearing the bull shit finger pointing and people not owning up to their own issues and blaming others.

Take resposibility for you actions!!

THINGS I WISH YOU KNEW.

if you love an addict, please read

I constantly find myself in conversations with both of my parents about that dark time in my life. In the beginning of my sobriety, I tried to explain to them about opioid receptors and dopamine levels but it never seemed to make a difference. Many parents have a “You did this because you are weak!” mindset. They think that you can just quit. Well, Mom....

1. I Can’t Just Quit I’ve been tired of this life for a long time and I have the desire to be the person you once trusted. But every time I quit, I get sick and believe that life just isn’t worth living. I’ve tried to get clean but once the fog clears I realize how much I’ve damaged my life and I go back. I wish I could snap my fingers and be normal with a job and home, but my brain has changed. I want to be the child who you loved unconditionally but I’m not, I’m sick. I don’t like sleeping outside and going to rehab every few months, but that’s what this drug has done to me. It’s a part of me now and unless I have it I can’t even get out of bed. I hate myself and what I’m putting you through, but my mind and body are broken right now.

2. This didn’t happen because you left me to cry it out in the crib for too long or because you weren’t strict enough. There isn’t a recipe that you followed to make me a drug addict. This happened because I tried something out of curiosity and my brain and body responded in a way that made it impossible to stop. Ever since that first time, my brain hasn’t worked the same. I am not lazy, stupid, or weak. I wish that I could sleep this off with a hot shower and an iron-rich diet but it doesn’t work like that. It started off as fun, but now I’m trapped.

3. I wish you could tell all your coworkers that I graduated from that expensive university we planned on me attending. I know you aren’t proud of me right now, but I’m still a person. I want you to heal and be able to talk about how much I’ve hurt you, but please don’t use me and my addiction as entertainment. I am still your child. You might not know much about how addiction works but I need for you to keep my most embarrassing secret close to you. Your coworkers and distant relatives don’t need to know that I’m in jail yet again. My great grandmother that lives a thousand miles away doesn’t want to hear about how I am living in a dirty motel. Unless I’m a threat to them or their belongings, I ask that you protect my dignity. People assume the absolute worst about people like me and I’m not proud of anything I’ve done to feed my addiction. Along with getting high, I have engaged in degrading behaviors and even exposed myself to disease and violence. When people hear, “My child is a drug addict,” they think about every negative thing they’ve ever seen in a movie or heard on the news and they will apply it to me. Why would you even want to share these awful things? Talk about the president or what movie you just saw instead. When I get better, I will have to face what I have done and accept the mistakes that I have made. I will have to face the people that you shared my humiliation with. Please don’t think that I am asking you to suffer in silence. There are support groups and therapists who have the knowledge and skills to help you get through.

4. Did you know that the American Medical Association classifies my addiction as a disease? I didn’t make this up to make you feel sorry for me, it really is. I made the initial choice to start using drugs but when I wanted to stop, my brain said no. It made everything else in the world unenjoyable. Could you imagine not being able to enjoy your favorite piece of cake from the best bakery in town? This is my life right now. The chemicals in my brain have been reprogrammed to want one thing only. If you don’t believe me, and you probably won’t, take ten minutes and do a little research on addiction. While you are clicking on different links and learning about what I’m going through, please look at all of the different treatment options too. Did you know that there is a medication you can give me in an emergency that will reverse an opioid overdose at home? It’s called naloxone and you can get it from the pharmacy and it could possibly save my life. I know that you want me to get better. I do, too, but it’s much harder than just saying no. It’s important that you know that there are some medications available that can help my cravings and others that will completely block the effects of opioids. Whether or not these are what’s best for me is something I will have to decide on my own but you should know about them. As long as I am seeking treatment or have even talked about how I want to get better, I am still here fighting.

5. I Have Suffered Through Incredible Trauma I have seen death and loss. I have lost my dignity and self-respect. Some of my friends have died because of these drugs and I have been close to death myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk about the terrible things that have happened in my addiction because I know how much it will hurt you. You might say that this is my fault and that I’m weak, but I’m not. I’m in here fighting with these memories and still waking up in the morning. When I get clean, I will need time to heal. I will need counseling and even a little bit of space.

6. I’m sorry I stole from you and constantly lied to you. I’m sorry I didn’t make it to Thanksgiving last year, and I’m sorry you found me unconscious. I’m sorry that I made you cry. If I had a penny for every regret, I could pay you back for everything you’ve done for me. Right now, however, I would probably spend that money on drugs because I’m sick. One day I hope that you will forgive me. I don’t expect you to forgive me soon, but hopefully you realize that your child is still in here.

7. I’m not asking you to give me money, that ship has long sailed. I’m not asking you to let me come home or even to trust me right now. Here, on this motel floor, I need to know that you still love me. I need you to call me and tell me how you are. Please be a constant in my life, even if it’s just through text messages. If it isn’t too painful for you, please visit me in rehab. When I tell you that I’m finally ready to get clean, please believe me even if it’s the 100th time. If I tell you that I’m going to start taking medication to help with my sobriety, be proud of me! Don’t tell me that I’m trading one drug for another, because I’m trying. Just please, don’t give up on me...

By Mary Elizabeth 5/29/2019

STIGMAS.

part 1

If it's not clear by now, I hate the stigmas being a drug addict gets. Usually they are placed by people that have never walked a mile let alone a step in an addict's shoes. I believe that if you can't relate then shut the fuck up! I don't cast judgment or randomly drop an opinion on subjects I know nothing about so neither should anyone else!!

Anyways, below I discuss a few* stigmas we face and my opinion about them.

*More coming soon!*

"Take responsibility for what you have done to yourself!"

Ok, yes as addicts that's VERY true we have to own up to what we have become and take responsibility for our actions. I agree fully with that but this stigma is oftentimes placed by the people closest to an addict, usually by those who have no clue what addiction is like, and we all know the closest relationships are usually the ones that have caused us the most pain.
Pain that may be caused by being the victim of some sort of abuse, childhood trauma, neglect, ETC. Or pain that you caused yourself and it caused by a spiral effect that led to addiction.
Either way there is a reason, a situation or a person that caused the first initial use of drugs. Family issues are a big reason people start and continue to use and family is the first to point fingers, lay blame and judge but never take responsibility for their actions.
So where is the other person's ownership for the mistakes and pain they caused that addict??
When everyone owns up to what they have done the easier the recovery process will be.
Addicts have to learn to accept responsibility for our actions and so do you!!!

WHERE IS YOURS.

You always taught me to take responsibility for my actions.
I have learned to see the error of my ways and know im responsible for what I've done to myself.
But where's yours?
When will you take responsibility for your actions?
I've heard you for years talk openly about me and my addiction to family states away and to your friends whom all automatically judge me and my stuggles.
Yes I struggle everyday and will for the rest of my life..
Struggles you will never understand nor have you ever tried to understand
Regardless of what you think not one second of my addiction has been fun.
Do you think its fun to fight within myself from daylight to dark, always questioning myself, having social anxiety, hating to go out to the store because I'm afraid of running into someone from my past or seeing someone you know who will no longer look me in my eyes, or how about trying to right my wrongs, make up for lost time, memory loss and these are just a few.
I used to struggle to prove myself to you, to prove to you I was clean, to prove I'm still me, but I don't try anymore because I still hear you gossip about my life and my struggles even as I sat across from you at the dinner table.
I heard your whispers, and saw your dirty looks, most of all I felt your judgement.
Your judgement about me and my life.
A life, sadly, you know nothing about.
You make hurtful assumptions and accusations, speak to me and about me in hurtful ways, look at me with hate and disgust
Don't you think that affects me?
So? where is yours?
Where is the responsibility for your actions?
There are many factors that went into me becoming an addict and you are a big one, so again let me ask where is your responsibility?
Can you find it and take it?
You taught me to take responsibility for mine so I'm asking you where is yours?