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MISADVENTURES

based on true events

The following content tells of the 4-5 month period before I said enough was enough and finally sought help.

I want to remind you though as entertaining as what your about to read may be keep in mind the true nature of my actions and what fueled them.

I may have had alot of fun and made life long memories but I also could have overdosed, been killed or found myself in prison for a very, very long time.

The "Drug Game" is fun until all of the people you love are locked up or worse...gone forever.

AN OFFICER & A TWEAKER

"We need to find a gas station and fast!" Beth says to me, as the familiar "ding ding ding" low fuel sound began to fill the car.
"Huh?" I ask her, irritated that I had to look away from the Facebook drama I had been amused with.
She repeats herself and glides the black Saturn Vue to the side of the interstate as cars speed past us honking and giving us the ole one finger "New York welcome".
"What now? Don't you have roadside service? You had mentioned it before we left, right?" I asked her.
Silence.
"Uhhhh about that, uh no I dont'" she says back not taking her eyes off the steering wheel, refusing to look at me.
Great, fucking great I think, what the fuck are we gonna do now? We are lost and outta gas!
After some debate we decide that Beth will take the gas can and walk to the exit we had foolishly past a mile or so ago and I would stay back with the car. Which suited me fine because I was getting restless and needed a nose full of drugs anyway. So I thought no better time than now, right?
I watch Beth start to fade from my sight and I reach under my seat to grab "The Pack", as it became known. See, this pack was full of drugs, various kinds and amounts. So I pull out a large baggie of full of a shiney substance and began crushing it up in a rather large pile.
As I pull my visor mirror down, to grab my handy dandy blue straw I had put up there, I see the flashing of blue lights behind me and a state cop slowly approaching my side of the car.
"Oh fuck!" I said out loud and hurriedly throwing the pack and mirror lined with drugs down to the floorboard and kick it up under the mess of shit I've accumulated thus far.
"Excuse me ma'am" the cop says.
"Yeah?" I painfully squeak trying not to be obvious.
"What is the problem with your car other than having out of expired tags?" he asks me.
"What? The tags are expired? Damn it Beth!" I say under my breath.
"Uhhh, uhhhh" is all I could manage to say back.
God Dammit Jena, use your words, I thought to myself.
I take a quick breath and tell him what had happened and which way Beth was headed.
He then asks if I have any identification with me.
Nodding, I stutter that I do, forgetting I had just used it and it was now covered in drug dust and currently resting inside my drug pack.
Thankfully the officer excuses himself to speak to anthor state cop car that had pulled up giving me an opportunity to locate my ID.
"Back up," I thought, "Fucking great, back up cuz he knows your a tweaker, and your dumb ass is going to jail, Jena" I say, continuing to scold myself.
I grabbed my ID card and hurriedly wipe the drug residue on the side of my sweat covered leg just in time for him to knock on my window and ask if I located it.
I say yes I had and hand it over, he looks at it and back at me funny as he turns around and walks back to his car, gets in and takes off, lights and sirens blaring in the direction Beth went walking, leaving his "back up" buddies behind, with me.
Great, here I am in this car on the side of some unknown highway in Upstate New York, in possession of multiple prescription drugs, none of which legally belonged to myself or Beth, methanphetmine, several different types of benzos and an array of drug paraphernalia and a fucking New York State police car setting right behind me.
Intense fear started to come over me, my abnormally large pupiled eyes start to dart around the car and I notice the baggie I had just gotten my drugs out of a few minutes earlier and the bright orange lid still connected to the syringe, I used on occasion, had come out of my pack and both were in VERY plain view of the officer that had just been at my window!
I just stare at it all dumbfounded asking myself why was I being so careless and wondering if that cop had been blind or was calling in even more backup to deal with my tweaker ass.
After a few more moments of panic I decide that I'll just swallow all of the drugs and throw it up later, works in the movies right? I reach for my drink and remember I made Beth take it with her on her walk.
"God!! Damn!!" I scream out loud.
Hot tears formed from behind my hollow eyes and began to roll down my sunken cheeks.
I just start to scream "FUCK FUCK FUCK!" Over and over staring at the mess of drugs on the floorboard.
I put my hand on the door and in tweaker like fashion thought about opening it and hauling ass.
Yeah, I'll jump out and run! Run like hell.
But to where?
I had no clue where I was not to mention I was hella weak, I woulda took one step out of that car and gotten fucking tased.
Yeah, the thoughts of me pissing myself while being tazed kept me sitting right there.
I just sat there crying, trying to prepare myself for what was going to happen.
After what seemed like hours I see the original cop pull back up and Beth sitting in the passenger seat grinning from ear to ear oblivious that we were going to prison.
I just put my head down as she hops out and tells me to unlock the doors.
I click the lock, and she opens the door and still smiling she says " Girl! Luck us on our side today!!"
I just stare at her blankly.
I couldn't believe she was saying that and here we were going to prison!
"Uhhh Be-Beth" I stutter.
At this moment I see the original cop approaching my side of the car.
Great! Here it comes. My big arrest. Fucking great I think to myself.
"You two girls need to be careful out here. New York is a different place than where your from not to mention a long way from home. Keep gas in this car, don't walk on the highways either it's illegal up here," the officer says as he's still approaching my window.
He hands me my ID, turns to walk back to his car and stops, turns back around and looks me dead in the eye and says "Oh, and make sure you get documents to prove everything is legal as in your tags and insurance when you get where your going, also you girls broke more than a few laws today and I overlooked them due to the circumstances but the next officer may not be so understanding so keep that in mind." He then walks to his car, gets in and both he and the other cop drive off.
Beth, still unaware how close we had become to being New York State prisoners just smiles and waves goodbye as she poured gas into the car.
I'm not sure if it was the gas fumes filling the car, nerves or a combination of both but as soon as both cop cars were outta sight I opened the door and puked.

WTF?? NO WAY!!

REGRETS IN RENSSELAER

What the hell is wrong with you?" Beth asks laughing, still completely unaware that we were almost New York State prisoners.

I'm still bent over alternating between dry heaves and puking up what I can only describe as a rancid mix of stomach acid, half digested Suboxone and methamphetamine.

"Uhhhh I think I'm dying girl," I say trying to laugh it off, "It's my damn nerves Beth! We just got really lucky! That cop saw all the drugs we have in this car and let us go!" I finally say to her.

"Wait! What?! No way Jena!" Beth says her jaw dropping and mouth open, wide enough to catch the swarm of flies that were now covering my puke.

"Let's just get the fuck outta here before they come back or anthor set of cops pull up." I say.

Still shaking and weak knee'd I somehow make it back into my seat.

Beth turns the car on and a blast of cool air hits my face semi bringing me back to my fucked up reality.

We drove in silence for a few minutes before I turned and ask her why she so excitedly exclaimed that luck was on our side as she climbed out of that cop car 10 min earlier.

"Ohhhhh yeah!!! That!! Well, so get this, your gonna flip girl!" She excitedly begins to inform me that her drivers license is revoked, the car we were currently driving down some unknown New York interstate has no insurance, expired tags and........she has a warrant out for her arrest in our home state!

I just look at her in disbelief, like really? Was she kidding?

But the look on her face told me she was not.

All of a sudden reality slaps the shit out of me as my brain fires off a multitude of why's, wtf's and various version's of internal name calling directed at not only myself but at Beth too.

"Damn Beth! For real?" I ask her still in disbelief, I couldn't wrap my mind around how or why those cops jus let us go like they did! I mean we had large amounts of illegal substances and now I learn the car I was a passenger in wasn't in any way legal to be on the road.

We continued to ride in silence for what seemed like an eternity, both of our minds racing and silently questioning our own individual sanity, we eventually pull into a convenience store to use the bathroom, purchase refreshments and to get high.

Yes, to get high!

After almost going to prison for several offenses drugs being the biggest one we still chose to pull over and proceed to get high in plain site of anyone and everyone walking by the car, with not a single give a fuck in the world!

**Looking back it's it's amazing that we survived that trip without being arrested.

But you just wait!! This story hasn't even begun to get interesting or dangerous yet!

***EDIT*** I just want to make this clear that Beth's warrant was not for mass murder or "Cartel style" drug running, it was a VOP violation of probation, for not paying on fines.

Beth is an amazing person and I just don't want any false judgements made agaisnst her.

I, myself was on probation too and didn't have permission to be out of state either....

Sooo yeah. There's that!

"Uhhhhhhhh!" I groaned and stomped my bare feet the on the floorboard of Beth's car, which was still covered in those drugs I had slung down there earlier.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" She laughs while looking confused.

"My damn ass hurts!" I say back, not realizing the humor in what I just said.

Beth cuts her eyes at me and we both fall into an insane sounding laughter, almost like what I'd expect from two tired ass white girls who were way outta their element to sound like.

"Damn girl, I'm hella tired and like I said my fucking ass hurts!" I say wiping away the tears I had shed from laughing.

She tells me that her grandmother's place isn't much further and in less than an hour we'd be there.

"Uhhhhh, alright" I groan again.

I was so ready to get out of that damn car, shower and catch some real sleep before we had to hit the road again tomorrow.

New Hampshire not New York was our actual destination.

Beth had to be in Keene New Hampshire for a job in less than a day and a half.

Beth's Grandma has a home in Renslear that was to serve as a rest stop for us per say and her grandmother was out of town so it was available for us to stay overnight.

As we get into Albany extreme excitement takes me over and I was no longer concerned with my hurting backside.

I kept yelling OMG look at that and ohhh that's so pretty.

I'm sure Beth was ready to slap the life outta me every time I let out anthor excited "OMG LOOK BETH!" Actually, I know she was ready to kill me because she kept reminding me that yes she knew, she had been there and seen it all several times before.

But in tweaker like fashion I just ignored her and kept ooh'ing ahh'ing and pointing at random shit.

In all honesty thou Albany, Renslear to be more specific is a beautiful place.

Finally we reach her grandmother's house both exhausted, worn out and ready to crash we get inside and the first thing we do is decide to draw up two large individual shots of various drugs.

Mine being a large amount of meth and a half a suboxone strip, hers..well that's her tale to tell not mine.

After we get high, shower and nibble on some junk food we crash.

While we were laying in bed I reminded Beth that we had just done the last bit of our drugs and still had to get to Keene tomorrow.

She assures me that drugs will be easy to find, we were in New York for God's sake! I say she's right and close my eyes.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK OMG SHIT JENA GET UP!!" I hear Beth yelling in a panic.

I ask her what the fuck was wrong and she stops and looks at me as if I had two heads and slowly reminds me that we were supposed to be in New Hampshire for her new job, SEVERAL HOURS AGO!

OUR ASS'S HAD OVERSLEPT BY ALMOST A FULL DAY!

I, too jump up and start throwing shit around trying to gather our things I turn to ask her a question and I see Beth staring at her phone her facial expressions beginning to change from panic to disappointment the hope and excitement she held for that job opportunity was gone.

We both just stop and look at one anthor knowingly and I spoke first and advised we sleep some more and decide what to do next tomorrow. She agrees and we crawl back into bed.

I wake at around noon the next day feeling like crap.

My whole body ached, stomach churned, muscle cramps, ya know all the good parts of drug withdrawals.

I look over at Beth and she's sound asleep resting peacefully so I decided to make some coffee then go set out back at the picnic table and take my mind off the withdrawals and the fact that Beth and I were almost out of funds, completely out of drugs and running low on options.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. WAS. I. DOING??

I kept asking myself shaking my head, I sigh and light a much needed cigarette taking a long draw, hoping it will give me that first cigarette of the day "head change" buzz I so desperately wanted.

I was sorely disappointed when it didn't happen and stupidly threw it across the yard.

Fuck it, I can't even get a damn nicotine buzz so what's the use in smoking the rest?

I grab my coffee and go to take a swig and notice two flies had decided to take a morning swim and both were belly up dead.

DEAD!!

Floating in my cup!

Good enough for the fuckers, I thought, if I can't get a buzz, you can't either!

Hell, they are better off and wherever their fly souls went it was sure to be better than where I was right at that moment.

Mentally anyway.

"Well shit! What now?" I ask out loud.

Not sure to who or who I expected to even answer me but the silence unnerved me, I mean it was one of those eerie silences that filled me with dread and uncertanity.

I reached for the pack of cigarettes Beth and I shared and realized I had gotten the very last one moments before and like a dumb ass had thrown across the yard.

I set there on the bench of that picnic table alone and started to cry, not a silent cry either this was a loud, wail type of cry.

I cried because I was sick with severe drug withdrawals.

I cried because I selfishly wasted the last cigarette.

I cried because two flies drowned in my coffee and I momentarily was happy they died.

But mainly I cried because I was 1,061.8 miles from my drug dealer and desperately needed drugs.

I sat there sobbing like a child who had just lost their best friend.

Looking back, I see that in a sense I had, I had lost my best friend.

Drugs had always been there for me, like a true best friend.

Good times.

Bad times.

Lonely times.

and most importantly the uncertain times like now.

What the fuck was I going to do now, I thought to myself, as hot tears flowed down my face, what now dumb ass is the only thing that I kept repeating over and over in my head....

"WHAT. NOW. DUMBASS????"

HUSTLE & GO

I set on that bench, head down feeling defeated and utterly lost for about 30 mins.

Finally, I got over the poor pitiful me boo hoo's and reminded myself of who I was, and that was a Hustler!

True Hustlers never give up and always prevail.

I told myself to stop being a lil bitch, suck it up and to dry up my tears and figure something out.

So I grabbed my phone and I started to Google places in Albany that were known to be "hang outs" for drug dealers and dangerous areas of Albany, surely I'd find drugs there due to the fact that most areas of that nature are heavily infested with one type of drug or anthor.

I sat there Google searching Albany's ghettos for over an hour and a realization hit me like a ton of bricks!

I didn't really know Beth that well!

Yet here I sat over a thousand miles from home, almost broke, no drugs, etc with some one I had just met three weeks earlier thru a mutual friend of ours.

We all 3 were suppossed to come along on the trip but the mutual friend backed out literally at the last second.

I did not really know much about Beth at the time, I mean I liked her as a person, she was pleasant and was an addict too, at that time that was the only real critera to begin new friendships- drug addiction. Not much else mattered.

But I didn't know much about her character

Did she have the balls to take me to these drug infested areas so we could do what we needed to get our drugs?

Would she commit whatever crime or act that may be requested to obtain these drugs and or money for said drugs?

All of a sudden I felt cold, yet hot.

Oh no, the puke feels again, I thought.

I could feel the vomit suddenly rising in my throat and before I could move I had thrown up all over myself.

I just sat there in a semi shocked state for what seemed like forever with all these emotions swirling inside me.

A loud boom of thunder and a deafening crack and flash of lighting made me jump and brought me back to reality. My fucked up reality.

I felt cool rain drops start to fall upon my hot skin.

I looked up at the dark gray sky and let rain drops fall over my face and started to laugh like an insane madman at how glamorous and wonderful my life as a drug addict had become.

Suddenly the smell of my own vomit seeped into my nostrils, I began to gag while my body shook from my insane spurts of mad laughter, severe withdrawl shakes and teeth chattering coldness.

I just sat there stunned and in silence, my clothes had been soaked thru by cold rain and warm vomit and yet I couldnt move. I just set there and laughed.

Anthor loud crack of thunder and flash of lighting hit and brought me outta my seat as I ran towards the back door I realized just how fucked off I really was!

My "What now dumb ass" turned into "Your a stupid bitch Jena but we gonna do this shit!!"

A BIKER BAR & A TWEAKER

"What now, like how are we gonna get back?" I ask Beth as I'm cramming my bags into the back end of her car.

"I don't know" Beth quietly responds.

I turn around to look at her and she looked so sad and defeated, so I decide to try to change the mood and subject.

We decided not to tell her family about the job just yet, I totally understand the disappointment coming from family, so now we were on our own with a few hundred bucks and a major hunger for drugs!

"Let's go find some drugs bitch!" I say laughing.

Beth perks up a bit and says ok, and we load back up into her car. We drove thru the more drug influenced areas looking for what would be an obvious drug dealer that I could get out and approach.

Quite early into out little adventure we see two women in what is obviously a drug deal happening and I tell Beth to stop. I'm going to ask them at least if they knew where I could run up on some "Crystal or Tina" aka meth. They inform me there is a biker bar downtown and that would be the best place to locate what we were looking for.

I thank them and we head off to find this biker bar.

We drove for a few and come across this bar and the parking lot is full of bikes!

I was so excited but Beth was nervous.

"You sure you wanna do this?" She asks me.

"Well, I'm fuck yeah I do! I'm withdrawing like a mother fucker, idc I'm Going in" I say and jump out of the car.

I walk in to find it wall to wall packed with men in biker gear so I approach this man who is staring at me and ask if he has a smoke I could bum, he says yeah and asks to go outside so he could hear me better, so we are chatting about my accent because it's clearly not a new York one and i explain that I'm from out of state for a family function, lies lies lies and more blah blah blah lies.

So finally I ask if there is any place around that I can find some Xanax.

I didn't wanna dive right in to the big stuff just yet and figured if he had what I wanted he would say no but I've got blah blah blah.

He kinda coughs and gives me a double take and says "What? Xanax? Uhhhhh" he's looking at me awfully funny.

I thought oh shit what did I do, ima get killed at a biker bar over some xannies, my ass shoulda asked for the good shit!

"Ummm.... honey I'm a cop, and everyone in this bar is a cop, we are here for Memorial ride for one of our recently past officers" he says

"Oh...." was all I could say.

Again, for the second time on this trip contemplating on running from a New York State cop.

"I'm gonna go now," I say, I mean can I? I mean your not gonna arrest me are you?" I ask stumbling over my words and my voice shaking.

At this point my knees wanted to buckle.

He laughed and said no that Xanax wasnt that big deal it would have been diff if i had asked for meth or heroin.

I thank him and try to run to the car but I felt like a zombie walking back, my legs were like rubber.

I finally reach her car. "Beth, this is NOT a biker bar!" I say in a shakey whisper....

She did not hear me the first time, so i raise my voice to almost a screech and inform her that it's a cop bar and to get the fuck outta there as fast as possible!

As we are pulling out I look back and my heart hit my stomach as I see the guy I was speaking with be joined outside by the same State Officer who I already had fucked up with a few days prior.

"Beth get the fuck outta here before he realizes it's us!" I say in a panic.

So we tear out of there while Beth was cracking up I on the otherhand didnt find it so god damn funny at the time.

"God damn Jena your gonna get us arrested!" Beth laughs

"But did we? Pull over! I've got a better idea!" I say, pissed off she was laughing at my fuck up, secertly hoping i was right.

So we pull into a plaza like strip mall and I get on my phone to work some magic!

A CREEPER, A TWEAKER & A RED ROOF INN

"What are you up to now" Beth asks me with a nervous laugh and a side eye glance. You know those "Do I laugh or do I cry" kinda looks.

So I explain that there is this new app called whisper that I had found out about during my quest for drugs on Google earlier that day.

This app apparently has old school type chat rooms for different cities with people on the drug scene.

So I search through the app and I put out a few "Whispers" looking for drugs in the Albany area, as well as a few about 2 lost and down on our luck little southern darlings out of our element and in need of help.

"This one Beth trust me it's gonna work! What do we have to lose? I mean..." I say trying to sound upbeat and confident but I was unsure of what would or could happen and frankly I didn't give a fuck as long as it ended in drugs!

All of a sudden my phone dings and it's a whisper reply about some "Tina" as it was known out there.

"Bitch! Let's get high we got a hit!" I squeal like a middle school girl seeing her crush walk by.

"What do we have to do?" Beth asks me grinning from piehole to asshole.

"Let me see, ummm they said to buy ITunes cards and send them the numbers and then they will deliver the drugs...." I said hesitantly.

We.Were.So.Fucking.Stupid.

Well, you guessed it!

We got ripped off for 100.00!

My phone dings again and it's a response to my poor chicks lost whisper!

"You sure it's safe?" Beth asks me.

"FUCK Idk but I'm willing to try!" I say back.

Being a Ted Bundy "Stan" I kinda was aware of what to look for and there were two of us and hopefully just one of him.

Beth and I plan a great escape strategy and set and wait.

While we waited my body ached, stomach churned and my already shaky hands became almost too much to handle so I take a Xanax, the VERY last one we had too. As i was swallowing it I felt instant guilt that i hadn't shared it with Beth. But i had become suspicious that she had pills on her she wasn't sharing with me. So fuck it all I thought! What else have I got to lose?

So here we set in this shitty run down mall plaza waiting for this unknown dude who is gonna buy us food, cigs and a room for the night.

I have mentally prepared to do whatever I need to do, as in if he asks for any kind of service in exchange for the money.

That plan was "distract and snatch" I would distract him with titties and Beth would snatch that cash before I had to do anything!

Well dude shows up. Star Wars Tee-shirt tucked into those high waisted "dad" jeans, a belt and penny loafers, not too Ted Bundyish, but I knew I could take his ass if he gets outta line! So he gets out if his car and hands me 150.00 and leads us to the nearest Red Roof Inn, books a room and wishes us well!!

That was too easy I told Beth, something is up with that dude.

While we are eating the McDonald's he "funded" my phone goes off and it's that dude reminding me to lock the door.

I look over at Beth and decide not to say anything she finally looked relaxed.

I didn't respond to the guy and continued eating. A second msg from him getting pissed that I didn't thank him for reminding me about the door, again I ignore him.

It's after midnight by now and Beth is sound asleep and im just laying there wondering how we were gonna for real get drugs.

Not how we were gonna get home, just those fucking drugs!

Fucking drugs, drugs, drugs and more damn drugs.

We needed them.

We both were feeling rough.

The withdrawals were bad.

All of a sudden I here a scraping noise by the door, this Red Roof Inn was pretty secluded even thou it was in a city so it freaked me out, it sounded like fingernails tapping and tracing across our door.

"God Dammit Jena! You dumb fuck you really are gonna get us killed after all." I think to mysef

Suddenly it stopped.

Thank God! Just a random tree branch I try to convince myself as I hear a car door shut off in the parking lot just below our room, I go to the window to look out as my phone goes off again, nearly scaring the literal shit out of me and guess who it was? Yup! Star wars shirt wearing dude and he was saying he had found my post about needing to buy meth and that I coulda sucked his d*ck for that money. I huff and roll my eyes and return to the window just in time to see him drive off!!

Fucking creep!

I let Beth sleep not wanting to worry her but when she woke up I told her bits and pieces just enough for her to know we needed to get the fuck outta there fast, and that's what we did.

I didn't tell Beth the whole story at the time because the truth is I've about gotten us arrested twice with my stupid shit, no need to add this to the list.

Plus!

I had a few more tricks up my sleeve!!

Believe me shit is far from getting deep at this point! We were just walking into the porta potty, per say because the shit hasn't even began to get deep yet!

I had found a hotel with a pretty bad reputation for drugs and drug dealers hanging around the property, so yeah of course that's where we headed.

But not before almost getting ripped off for anthor 100.00 trying to buy meth!

Here we are with a few hundred bucks right?

We could have easily filled the tank and headed home like normal people would have.

No, we have to get ripped off for 100.00 worth of iTunes cards and continue wasting gas riding around looking for drugs or ways to get drugs.

Looking back I see how bad and fucked up my addiction had become.

I had always wanted to go to New York and was one of my biggest bucket list must do's.

Yeah, I had visited New York but I missed out on truly seeing so many beautiful and historic places so it still remains on that list.

Albany is beautifully historic with so much to see and do, yet my drug addiction had taken me to the deepest darkest parts of that city and myself, but little did i know it was about to take me deeper and darker than id ever been.

"That guy right there!" I say trying not to point and be seen.
Beth and I had been sitting in her car backed into a dark parking space at the Motel 6 in Albany watching this guy in action for about 30 mins.
I decide I'm going to approach him.
"You sure? Your fucking nuts Jena!" Beth says with a laughter "Your gonna get shot! This is known Crip territory and we aren't....."
Whatever she was saying fell upon deaf ears as I was already making my way across the parking lot to talk to this guy.
The closer I got the less give a fucks I had to spare, I mean the worst that can happen is I'll get shot, robbed for the whole 60.00 I had or raped.
Piece of cake I thought.
Looking back I see the real dangers of my actions, things could of went way wrong. I was definitely out of my element and not dealing with redneck backwoods meth cooks here, this was real deal Crips and Bloods type gang shit.
I turn around to look at Beth but she had gone ghost.
Good, I thought, she doesn't need to see whatever is gonna happen if it goes wrong.
I find out after the fact that she had just drove around and was getting our things into room.
We chose that location because of the Google search I had done. This place had a reputation for drugs and dealers.
Yup!
My kinda place!
I approach this guy and he is extremely leary of me and my intentions.
I explain our situation and finally convince him that in not a Federal Agent.
I can see how suspicious I must have looked.
A white girl with a southern draw popping up outta nowhere asking him to sell me drugs.
He doesn't have exactly what I'm looking for but it's close enough so I thank him and inform him we are staying at the hotel and if he ran across some meth to please knock on our door.
Almost in a mad dash I get back to Beth to show her my score.
" I don't know Jena," she says hestinatly.
I tell her to hush it and just do what I do.
"You really have done this before?" She asks me as I'm stuffing the glass stem with a choreboy. I tell her yes and it's as close to meth as we are gonna find right now and it will at least make us feel better for the time being and it's prob cleaner than what we have been doing anyways. Meth is one hell of a dirty drug.
We set huddled together in this ugly ass pussy pink colored bathroom and proceed to get high.
"This shit sucks! We have better shit at home!" I say
Beth looks at me with a smile and laughingly asks "Your not high? You mean to tell me your not fucked up just a little bit?"
I take anthor glance around that ugly ass bathroom and realize it's not even pink!
It's gray!
'Uhhh maybe a lil bit" I say, and we both bust out laughing. Actually cackling like the old worn out witches we were.
We both take a sigh of relief and stare off into our world's.
'Whats next? What about tommoro? We have got to get home" I finally speak and break the silence.
" I know girl, I know " Beth says back.
We decided to crawl into our own beds and sleep for a few hours before having to think about getting home.
We were officially broke at this point and had already pushed our luck with that city to its limits.
Neither if us had any fucking clue the shit that was in store for us and the next 24 hours.
All thanks to yours truly!!

STARTING TO CRACK...

"WHAT THE FUCK??!" I yell as I jump up confused and definitely disoriented.

Not sure of what jolted me out of my restless nap I look over at Beth for any indication of what but she's sound fucking asleep!

I swear she can and will fall asleep ANYWHERE!!

Funny story to tell ya bout our little drive up here to this "Lack a dope, Wanna need it!" city we were currently stuck in.

Make that two stories the "Lack a dope, Wanna need it" story and the Perry Mason story. I'll come back to those shortly.

I laugh with a quick "Uh huh" and shake my head silently wishing I could sleep like that.

I estimate I've slept maybe a total of 6 hours this whole trip and longed for sleep but not more than the fucking drugs I was still after.

Still not sure of what woke me but no longer giving a fuck I start contemplating our next move and I hear a knock on our motel room door.

"That's fucking odd, nobody knows where we are, do they?" I ask myself out loud.

Not sure who I expected to answer me cuz like I said Beth was having Perry Mason dreams and wasn't stirring in the least.

Dazed and confused I just set on my bed and froze.

You know like when your hiding from the bill collectors at your door froze?

Yeah, like that.

That's how I set, barely breathing trying not to make a sound, creeping slowly up to the peephole of the door in my best "Haha fucker, whoever you are, I'll see you before you see me" Pink Panther imitation, so yeah those ballet classes paid off! Even if it were for only things like this I thought, creeping my way slowly to the Motel door just as I'm about there,

The.fucking.phone.rings!!

"GOD DAMMIT MOTHER FUCKER SON OF A BITCH COCK SUCKER!" I scream, grabbing my chest like I'd been shot.

I look at Beth, expecting to see her jump up, but no she was still unaffected snoring away.

I crawl, yes fucking crawl over to the phone because my knees buckled as I grabbed my chest and I hit the floor like an idiot.

"Hello" I say in a hushed whisper, I don't really know why I was whispering but I guess that's all that would come out after that colorful stream of obscenities flew from my mouth.

"Hey, yo what's up, this is Eddy from last night, y'all got a ride? If so I got a money making oppertunity for you ladies"... He says" it will be me and.."

I interrupt and ask if he has drugs and he laughs and says well of course but he needs a ride to see a few of his boys for the days pickup and Beth and I would be well compensated with gas, food, drugs and money if we could hack it.

I told him that yeah we were in before even asking Beth, Hell what else were we gonna do we were broke!

He and I talk for a few quick mins and work out a deal on some drugs for right then. I hang up the phone.

Brush my teeth and head down to his room.

Not my finest moment.

Its sad but that's the realities of drug addiction.

You will do things you swore you'd never do just to get those fucking drugs.

When I get back to the room Beth is awake and asks where I've been and I tell her.

Honestly, I tell her everything and at that point I wasn't even ashamed of my actions.

I laughed it off and pulled out our morning drugs.

A SCORE, OF SORTS....

G'S? OR GHETTO GRANNY'S?

Beth is stunned by my actions and I tell her to not worry about it we have an adventure to go on.
She agrees to forget about it and go along with today's plans because like I mentioned before, we were flat ass broke.
Flat.
Ass.
Broke.
The drugs I brought in went fast, as does that type of drug. Momentarily high too, with a shitty come down.
We both quietly get our things together and wait for Eddys call to let us know when we were leaving.
I'm shoving my shit into my bags and silently giving myself all kinds of Hell for everything I've not only put myself through but Beth as well.
I was also tired of trying to be stronger than I really was.
I could feel my mental health cracking. That combined with the still nasty opiate withdrawals I was experiencing started a mental breakdown of sorts.
I look at Beth and wonder what she's thinking about and if she was silently judging my morning romp.
My eyes started to feel that sting and get hot, I let a few tears slide out before my inner G kicked in and I sucked them up.
Man, I just wanted to be home, I missed my daughter's and grandchildren.
Yeah, me the "G" I thought I was is a grandmother.
Guess instead of Gangsta the G can be used for Grandma.
I could see the stress wearing on Beth too, she too missed her daughter and grandchildren as well.
"Look at us", I thought to myself, "Two middle age women, grandmother's at that, out here living like we had never been given a proper raising."
I was 39 at the time and Beth, well a friend never tells a friend's secrets.
I was so ashamed of myself, and I felt bad for bringing Beth down with me.
I mean I am the one who had put us in more than one fucked up situation, I started to tell Beth that we should just tell "Eddy" never mind.
I finally break the silence.
"B-Beth?" I say, She looks up at me with tired eyes and utters "Hmmm?" just as our new friend knocks on the door and she goes to open it.
God, if I had just spoken a little sooner or felt guilty a little earlier that whole day would have turned out so much differently.
Not sure if it would have been better but it definitely could not have been more fucked up.

DEPARTURE

10:45 A.M.

We depart the Motel 6.

Eddy in the backseat giving Beth directions to go pick up his Uncle, mentor and fellow gang member.

We pull up to an old but well taken care of home in Schenectady, which is a very run down part of Albany and Eddy gets out.

Beth and I quietly discuss what we thought was gonna happen.

We can see Eddy talking to a tall older man with dreads and facial tatts and pointing in our direction. Both men start to walk our way as Beth and I question if we should just bail, drive away and stay alive.

But. We didn't.

They approach her car and ask if we will walk to the store for them and they would give us money to get us something too. We agreed, and took that walk.

At the time we didn't think a thing about it, now I look back and wonder if they thought about stealing her car.

Let me remind you this is extremely early in our interactions with these men.

As we walk we talk about how fucked off we were and what had we gotten ourselves into.

I call my oldest daughter to give her a quick run down of the situation and tell her I love her, the babies and to tell her sister I love her too.

I was too ashamed of myself to call my youngest myself, the sound of her voice would have brought me to tears and I would have broke.

I couldn't break right then and "Ghetto Granny's" don't cry or break.

We don't back down from a challenge or show fear either and was almost the death of us both.

SILENCE...

What's up boys!!! Here's your shit!" I say trying to not sound as nervous as I felt while I hand over a choreboy, a 40 oz beer and some cigs.

We thank them for our drinks and start to walk back to Beth's car.

"Where y'all going?!" Eddys yells at us.

"Just going back to the car, we feel like shit and could use the opiates and speed you said was just around the corner," I snap back.

"Whoa, chill I got you ladies, I promise! We gotta go pick up anthor one of our boys and go from there. It's his connect" Eddy says as he's jogging towards us, L.A. In tow.

Beth and I just glance across the hood of the car and nod silently agreeing and head out to go get this other friend.

We should have said no and left but the gas tank was below E and we were not in the best of neighborhoods to be getting stranded without gas.

On the way L.A. and Eddy are conversing amongst themselves and I start to get the feeling that L.A. does not like Smurf too well due to him disrespecting L.A. recently.

L.A. felt he needed to have a chat if sorts with him.

Beth and I side eye each other and I start to get uncomfortable hearing L.A's plan but I act as if I didn't hear anything.

We arrive and Eddy handed Beth and I more of the same drug we had been doing for the past 12 hours with the same shitty quick buzz, even faster harder come down.

He gave it to us and asked that we wait right there with the motor running and doors unlocked while they go have a little chat with Smurf.

As quick as the men are outta sight I tell Beth to get the fuck outta there!!

We take off and just drive, that nagging ding ding ding low fuel screaming at us.

We pull over to sort things out and realize Eddys jacket is in the backseat.

"FUCK! Beth. Look his jacket is in here! It may have all his drugs and money in it and if so we are fucked! We can't get out of this city without money, if his jacket has money and or drugs in it then we definitely are not getting out if this city alive!" I say, almost in tears. I was so fucking frustrated.

Beths phone starts blowing up and it's Eddy calling and texting back to back. Demanding to know where we were with his jacket and shit.

Yep, my suspicions were dead on, he had money in the jacket and drugs stashed under the backseat!

Beth and I just set there looking at one anthor waiting for the other to make the decision on what to do next as her phone continues to go off call after call text after text.

Here we are in Troy, anthor shitty part of Albany, out of gas, broke with no options other than a drug dealers jacket full of money and his stash of drugs under the back seat.

I swear we just looked at each other and to the backseat over and over again for what seemed like forever.

"If the damn phone would stop maybe I could think" I finally say glancing at Beth who is holding her phone like it's going to explode in her hands.

"You know if we don't go back we are as good as dead, dead before we get out of the state and we will be looking over our shoulders the whole way back if we somehow don't get killed first. You heard them say they had connections in Memphis, right?" I say, still unsure on what we should do.

Beth nods not taking her eyes off the phone.

"Well! FUCK! What do you wanna do? We are probably fucked anyways for taking off with all his shit in here as it is, you know?" I say trying to get Beth to say something.

Silence. Silence. Silence.

Except for that fucking phone!

If it would stop, I could think!

If it would stop making noise I could make a decision I thought repeatedly.

Silence.

Phone.

Silence.

Phone.

"WHAT THE FUCK NOW??? BETH! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?" I yell.

Silence. Fucking silence.

WHAT NOW?

"Beth? What do you want to do?" I say. My words were shakey and spoken slightly above a whisper, the phone had finally stopped going haywire and I was able to finally somewhat speak.

My heart was racing so fast and I swear I felt like I was gonna pass out.

I take my eyes off Eddys jacket and look at Beth, she's just as shook as I am and still not taking her eyes off her phone, holding it as if it's gonna explode.

I knew if we didn't go back we were beyond fucked.

We were out of money.

That poor car was running on fumes not to mention the area of Troy, NY we were in is extremely dangerous.

Not somewhere two middle age women needed to be stranded. Day or night and it was getting darker by the second.

Yeah, us two "Ghetto Granny's" were in anthor fucked up dilemma......all thanks to yours truly. AGAIN!

We had run off with Eddys jacket, money and shit.

Not purposely but that wasn't gonna matter. The fact remained, we had alot of shit that didn't belong to us.

"We gotta go back," I say, Beth didn't respond so I repeat myself again just louder and look at her to see if she had heard me.

Beth just slowly, silently nods in agreement and puts her car into gear and we drive in silence not saying a word to each other. The only sound was the screaming "ding, ding, ding" low fuel indicator.

I texted Eddy back to tell him we were on our way back to them and lied telling him that we left because we had tried to go get gas but our credit cards were maxed out so it was a bust. He calls and tells me to come back to where we had left from, the alleyway across from Smurfs house.

I relay the info to Beth and we both nervously chuckle.

Fucking great, I think, they done got Smurf and we are next for taking off with a Crip's drugs and money.

My stomach was in knots and my whole body was shaking kind of like full body mini convulsions.

I look at Beth and could see her hands shaking on the steering wheel as she drove us to meet our fate.

I kept thinking we were good as dead.

I mean we did take off on three known, highly ranked gang members at the scene of a possible crime, AFTER Eddy had paid us to stay and wait on them, taking all his money and drugs with us.

Yep!

Dead.

Good as dead.

When we turned the corner on Smurfs road we see all three men standing in the road, arms crossed and just staring us down.

You could tell they were pissed.

God dammit, we had really fucked up this time.

I remember thinking that New York State prison would a been safer and a less painful option than what we were about to receive.

"Oh God, what the fuck Jena?" Beth finally whispers.

"I don't know Beth, just roll up to them, they look pissed don't they?" I say in return.

"Uh huh they do, oh my god," Beth whispers returning my question with a barely audible answer.

We crept closer and i say to her "Show no fear, they can smell it!" and I then look at her and howl like a wolf. "Ow ow whoooo, ow ow whoooo!"

Look, it was one of those inappropriate timing type jokes, and it was fucking hilarious!

We both lost our minds with laughter and look up to see all three men looking at each other with these "What the fuck" looks as they approach the car heading straight for the backseat and climb in and just tell us to drive.

Yeah, the laughter quickly disappeared at this point.

Eddy didn't check his jacket for his money or his drug stash, they all three just got in and told Beth to drive.

So she did as she was told and we rode in silence with three pissed off Crips with loaded guns sitting behind us.

Beth stared straight ahead at the road not looking away.

I on the other hand pulled my visor mirror down and caught the light reflecting off the gun in Eddys hand.

Fear isn't even the word for what I felt at that moment. I had a hot prickly sensation pulse thru me from head to toe and then my body went numb. I could hear my heart beating but couldn't feel it, I was scared and could literally taste the fear in my mouth

My mind raced, I thought if we get killed out here nobody will ever find our bodies and our families would never know what happened to us and where we had went to. Would my children think I had just abandoned them? Would my grandchildren remember their Nina? I felt sick, but I had told Beth prior to show No fear but what next? Showing no fear while getting shot seemed like the next logical step.

Hell, we might as well die pretending to be the hard ass "G's" we had been portraying to be, right?

BEFORE WE CONTINUE...

I want to stop here before I continue and give you some back story for those of you who may not know me personally, or those that do but just not as well as you thought you did.

I went into this situation balls to the wall, full well knowing the rules of "The Game", how to play and what to expect for the most part.

Back home where Beth and I were from, I can say I played the game often and in many different positions.

Sometimes as "Coach" or at times as a "runner" but ALWAYS that "fan" standing around the concessions stand filling myself to the brim with goodies.

Y'all that know, well y'all know what I'm saying.

Let me put it to you this way, I had alot less fear getting into a car with three known gang members (strangers thou to us) who all were packing heat, than the average person should EVER have.

I had been held at gunpoint on more than one occasion back home so this New York Crip shit didn't bother nor scare me as much as it really should have.

Y'all the danger was real.

We saw, heard and witnessed a few things, and more than once our lives were in immediate danger.

Just a few examples:

Walking through a known Albany "War-Zone" with known gang members who informed us that "Oh yeah right here is where we got shot by some Bloods last month!"

Beth and I just look at each other and kinda shrug and keep walking.

Being "marked" by "L.A" as members of an opposing gang walk past.

Again "Eh, Fuck it", we keep walking, no questions asked.

We keep walking while this man, a known gang member who used to bang out in Compton in the early 1990s slowly walks behind us, taking us to get what very well could have been our last meal.

Eh, fuck it!

We just drive off saying "ohhh fuuuuck!" as this same man's girlfriend is chasing him out of her house and down the road as he jumps in Beth's car yelling "Go go go!" So we went went went!

Little did we know till after the fact she had a gun.

Again, eh fuck it!

We just sit amongst this war zone, in a different area than the first and laugh while hearing anthor of L.A.'s girlfriends scream at him about being with them "WHITE Bitches" all night.

Giggles and Eh, fuck it.

We politely with southern grace introduce ourselves to yet anthor of his children's mothers while asking to use her bathroom, because we were setting on her "Seasame Street gone hood" front stoop and had to piss.

Eh, fuck it.

This is also the point where we both recognize the smell of decomposing death.

Eh, fuck it.

Now, I will continue my tale with everything I mentioned and MUCH more, just know this will be a long chapter and will probably be put out in parts.

I just wanted to stop and give you a little personal history and give Y'all a little piece of what's to come.

THE TASTE OF?

You know how they say that when your about to die your whole life flashes before you?

Idk bout that per say but i do know the thoughts I had and the regrets I all of a sudden had, why had I done such careless things on this trip??

I'd imagine anyone in my position woulda been thinking pretty much the same thoughts.

My children and grandchildren consumed the majority of those thoughts though.

I started to cry and let a single tear slide down my cheek and quickly wiped it away before anyone, mainly Beth could see. I didn't want her to know I was afraid, I was supposed to be the hard ass one of us. I couldn't show any weakness or fear. Although fear was exactly what I was feeling.

This was no everyday regular "Omg I'm scared" this was a deep primal fear, I could taste it type of fear.

Well, fear or crack is what i was tasting and it didn't taste good!!

"Turn left right here" Eddie said continuing to give Beth directions to our execution destination "pull in and cut the lights off, leave it running" he says gun in hand as he and Smurf exit the 2 rear doors leaving LA still sitting in the middle back seat.

Beth and I looking at each other wondering what was next. I turned to see Eddie and Smurf headed up a stairway leading to some apartments, still confused I ask Beth "What are they doing?" She shrugged her shoulders and sighs. That's when L.A laughs and says "They are going to get y'all those X pills, ya know ecstasy? Y'all wanted to get high right?" Fuck yeah we did! But we were still a little hesitant about their intentions but being high while dying sounded better than dying stone cold sober.

They come back, get in and proceed to hand Beth and I four Hello Kitty printed x pills that we divide and pop like pros.

"Whhhhhooooa girls!! Did you just pop them all??" All 3 ask in unison, shocked at our actions.

Beth and I laugh, cuz fuck yeah we just took 2 a piece, we are no rookies.

Eddies voice breaks the light moment and again tells Beth to drive....

We end up parking on this dead end street that was pitch black dark but from what I could see looked like old mafia style shops and groups of people gathered on the corners.

We were directed to lock the doors, keep our heads down and not to let people realize we were two white women setting alone.

So, we do as we are told..

UNTILL....

I get tired of waiting and needed a cig (you could buy single cigs around there, something you can't do in my area of the country) and opened up the door and jump out and head to the corner store we had passed before parking.

So my ass gets out and starts walking in the dark and start to see what kind of area we were in, straight outta a Bronx type movie is what it looked like and idec.

I straight didn't gaf I needed a cig!!!

About halfway there I realized I was now in s fucked up position, the x had just hit me like a ton of bricks, I was literally too far from Beth's car if I needed help she wouldn't have heard me and i was outta my element.

So, I just keep on keeping on to get cigs, I finally reach the stores door and open it and walk in, the chatter turned silent as I walked to the counter to purchase 2 single cigs and some matches, the shopkeeper gave me a discount, winked and nodded at me and i walked out leaving the store silent.

I tried to briskly walk back to the car but in reality I prob looked like an old lady shuffling along the dark street.

Suddenly I realize I'm being surround by men coming from the shadows.

I stupidly stop walking and carelessly stand there while the cluster of men keep getting closer, and closer...

Run you dumb bitch I think to myself but i could move, I was fucked!! Or was fixing to be and there wasnt much I was gonna be able to do about it.

Outta the darkness I hear L.A. yell "Yo mother fucker she's with us back,the fuck up!" The men who had been gaining on me took off running.

L.A grabs my elbow but takes his finger and traces the letter C on my back, I'm even more confused now, but L.A walks me back to be the car and makes sure Beth and I are ok and sternly tells us again to not get out of that car! Beth and I agree and I know for sure there will be no more of me getting out thats for sure!

L.A whistles and Eddie and Smurf jog back to the car and L.A shuts the car door and is talking to the other two quietly, I tried to listen but all I can hear is my own heartbeat. I see from the side mirror the three men proceed back toward the corner store and disappear into the darkness.

"Where did they go I ask Beth," she shrugs and we start to discuss our exit plan until suddenly and quite out of breath our new friends return and jump into the backseat and tell us to drive, DRIVE NOW!!!

So Beth just goes the fuck on like we were driving Miss Daisy.

Honestly her and I were too fucked up to realize what was actually happening at that exact moment, I am still not 100% sure to this day what was up with those big Russian dudes coming after me or why the trio of Crips came back as hurriedly as they did.

We, both were just were happy to still be alive and so far unharmed.