Opiates Part one - The Desent

See, I began my descent into opiate pain pill addiction like many other addicts, with a doctor's prescription.

Yep, in the beginning I got all my drugs legally, straight from a doctor!

So in a sense, my drug dealer was my doctor. Not saying that my doctor met me in a dark back alley and sold me pills or anything, it was much easier than that.

I had learned what to say and how to get the doctors to write me whatever prescription I was seeking at that time.

It wasn't hard I do have legit medical issues that warrant opioid pain pill prescriptions to be written. I just learned how to "tweak" my symptoms and exaggerate my pain levels to get the Dr to write what I was looking for/needing.

I didn't set out to be an addict.

I knew I had close family members, grandfather, an uncle and an aunt who were addicted to prescription pills and I always thought "naw, not me. I'm not gonna be an addict."

Not that I looked down at my family for their addictions I just didn't fully understand it.

Yet.

When it happened I didn't realize I was even addicted at first.

In the beginning, "take one tablet 3x a day" worked, but as time went on three pills turned into 4, then 5, then 6 and so on.

When I ran out I just borrowed from a friend who had the same medication I had and I did the same for them.

We kept each other in medication untill one day my friend who I had loaned several to gets cut off.

What came after that was hell along with the realization that I too had become an addict.

I didn't even know that what I was experiencing were severe withdrawal symptoms.

I thought I was dying. It felt like I had the worst flu I had ever had combined with a stomach virus, high blood pressure and a nervous breakdown all at once!! I went straight to the doctor explained how I felt, without letting him know that I was out of the Hydrocodone 7.5mg prescription he had written me just last week.

But just as I had I had hoped I was written a different, stronger opioid pain pill (percocet 7.5mg) Xanax and antibiotics.

For a diagnosis of Mono!

I had tried to quit cold turkey.

MANY times!!

But not taking any kind of drug, opioid or benzos and i failed miserably.

My body freaked out and my life felt like it were turned upside down and inside out. I felt this deep dark feeling of dread and despair and I thought I'd never come out of it.

Truthfully I couldn't do it.

Methadone came into my life about this time. I used methadone for about 8 years untill it was no longer available as easily as it had been. My supplier got cut off. So I quickly began taking two to three Oxycontin 80mg two times a day, for as many days I could afford it, and on my off days I begged God to let me die.

I did that for as long as I could afford to but most days I was left in a ball sick as fuck from withdrawals.

Finally there had come a time when nobody had the amount of pills I needed to ward off the withdrawals.

So then I was offered meth.

Now, I had done meth a few times before, just a casual weekend partying type of thing and didn't really like it. But I was desperate and was promised that the withdrawals would stop.

Well, as promised the withdrawal almost completely went away and a whole new lease on life was found or so I thought.

About a week later I shot meth for the first time. I shot a 40 sack on my first time ever shooting up.

My head spun, my body trembled my problems didn't exist anymore and I laid back and let the meth course thru my veins.

Rush after rush.

Heartbeat after heartbeat.

One wave of pleasure after anthor.

All I could hear was a high pitch ringing and my surroundings literally spun around me.

My God, it felt like I was floating, in that instance death didn't scare me as long as I went out feeling like this.

Then.

Bam.

Reality.

In a matter of under a minute I had felt the most intense pleasure and the hardest slap back into reality I've ever had. Just a quick as it began it ended. Just like that it was over.

But i wasn't done letting it alter my reality or fuck up my life. In reality it had just begun.  

To be continued....